"Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time..."
So... I haven't posted in a while. I need to unload some brain vomit.
I have so many plans, hopes, dreams, and fantasies. Unfortunately, I occasionally make rash or impulsive detours in the name of love (and ADHD), and they end up backfiring and costing me everything, financially, socially, and emotionally just when I was almost at the finish line after years of hard work towards a goal. Call me crazy, but I think maybe, just this once, I am going to plan and plan for curveballs.
The last time I planned meticulously, too meticulously. Trust in others with my entire car sale funds, my moving money, backfired and ruined my life.
This isn't the same. This time it is more of a loose plan- a rough outline, with wiggle room, but obvious goals. I am still so eager to go, go, go, get the hell out of here, but now I'm ill prepared. It was a possibility with my last job, since they were promoting me and transferring me to Colorado. That was a plan!
However, due to issues with payroll (the issue being, they weren't paying me!), I had to leave that job. I was pretty bummed and saw this as a huge setback. Leaving that job is starting to look like something religious people refer to as a "blessing in disguise". I see it as an opportunity to regroup, refocus, and make a solid plan. When I finally do go, I don't want it to backfire. I don't want to come crawling back, depressed and penniless. When I go, I want to have a real chance at life and achieving my dreams where I go.
So, I took a logical step and found a new place to work. The new place happens to be the number one Nissan dealership in the state. My last job was in sales, this one is even bigger sales. The hours are insane, the office is like the car dealership equivalent of Mercy Grace hospital (Grey's Anatomy), but I'm loving it so far. I think my brain was so starved for knowledge, that it doesn't matter that it's cars I'm learning about. It's just happy to be studying something.
The last time I planned meticulously, too meticulously. Trust in others with my entire car sale funds, my moving money, backfired and ruined my life.
This isn't the same. This time it is more of a loose plan- a rough outline, with wiggle room, but obvious goals. I am still so eager to go, go, go, get the hell out of here, but now I'm ill prepared. It was a possibility with my last job, since they were promoting me and transferring me to Colorado. That was a plan!
However, due to issues with payroll (the issue being, they weren't paying me!), I had to leave that job. I was pretty bummed and saw this as a huge setback. Leaving that job is starting to look like something religious people refer to as a "blessing in disguise". I see it as an opportunity to regroup, refocus, and make a solid plan. When I finally do go, I don't want it to backfire. I don't want to come crawling back, depressed and penniless. When I go, I want to have a real chance at life and achieving my dreams where I go.
So, I took a logical step and found a new place to work. The new place happens to be the number one Nissan dealership in the state. My last job was in sales, this one is even bigger sales. The hours are insane, the office is like the car dealership equivalent of Mercy Grace hospital (Grey's Anatomy), but I'm loving it so far. I think my brain was so starved for knowledge, that it doesn't matter that it's cars I'm learning about. It's just happy to be studying something.
From there, all the pieces seem to be falling into place. I am very grateful to my dad for letting me stay here for a few months, but let's be real. I need to move out. The perfect opportunity arose, and come July I will be back in Tempe with my best friends. Even better is the fact that one of these friends has cast me as the female news anchor in a new ASU film department newscast. It's going to be news for ASU, in the style of Weekend Update from Saturday Night Live. I will obviously update my blog when there is more concrete information. I just know we start filming in August, and the garage has been converted into a studio for this project. Funding has been provided by various organizations on campus. I am so beyond excited about this. I get to act with one of my old theater pals!
Life has also had a funny way of surprising me lately, in a good way.
For the first time in a long, long, time, I'm not just pretending to be happy or pretending to be excited. I am!
I am genuinely pleased with myself, and curious about the future. My last year, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Looking back, I can say with complete certainty that I can survive anything. I depended on myself. I got through it on my own.
Life has also had a funny way of surprising me lately, in a good way.
For the first time in a long, long, time, I'm not just pretending to be happy or pretending to be excited. I am!
I am genuinely pleased with myself, and curious about the future. My last year, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Looking back, I can say with complete certainty that I can survive anything. I depended on myself. I got through it on my own.
There will be dark days, everyone has them. Tomorrow is the second anniversary of my mom's death. That date, and this whole month, is not easy. I don't have a time machine, though. I can't go back and fix anything. Dwelling doesn't help, clearly.
The only thing I can do is keep going. People can't help you if you don't want to be helped. They especially can't help you if you don't ask, or if you don't try. I learned that I can rely on myself...but I learned that it's okay to lean on friends during the bad days. Knowing that is priceless.
