Teaspoon of Honesty

So I was going through some things, and found something I wrote on September 14 in response to a blog post. It's sheer honesty, and kind of painful for me to read back over. I've been posting silly things lately, and please don't take it the wrong way. I don't need calls telling me to "be happy" or to stop talking about you. I am happy, damn it, as happy as I can be in this situation anyways. I've been through a lot of shit, and if I never talk about it guess where it stays? Inside, where it slowly kills me.  If I didn't write I would be depressed. Anyways, here's the original blog post. Read it, it's insightful.
http://www.theworld4realz.com/facebook-is-hard-you-guys/

My reply below:
HollyGoLightly •
I had a...similar...problem. I was forced to choose between family and family. I was at the time entirely dependent on family #1. It was not because I wanted to, but because I was trying trying trying to save any ties to my past, any relationships, anyone who I thought might help me with the major emotional/mental shitstorm at hand. I was dependent on family #1 in regards to housing, food, transportation, and all methods of communication to anyone on "the outside" of  family #1.... I did have internet at the time, and that was my means to say anything. I asked family #2 for help, only I failed at the time to understand why family #2 felt hurt...Family #1 I was born with. Family #2 I chose. It comprised of every friend, every person I loved in the country and community that I was lucky enough to be raised in. I felt guilty for choosing family #2 all over again. I could not imagine my life without any of them. However...the guilt. Maybe I thought it would be fair to give each family a chance because I always heard that family would be there for you when you had no where to sleep at night and no where you could run to, nowhere to charge a laptop, nowhere else to change your clothes or just...listen to music. I hurt both families, and when it came down to it I DID choose family #2 again...so family #1 did not simply let me go...Family #1 decided to punish me swiftly and severely so I was not allowed to "run" until it was...too late. I felt everyone thought I was a burden and I loved family so much how could I possibly hurt them more by existing around them, dragging them into my bullshit? I couldn't do that. I had one chance. One night to wait until they were sleeping, steal a truck with everything I had ever owned that I thought was worth saving from a fire...
This was a while ago to many people in my personal life, but it was hard being my only advocate. Things take a lot longer when you feel like you have been betrayed, scorned, ostracised, judged, and lied to by every single person that you ever trusted. It doesn't matter if that is true or not. Truth may vary depending on which angle you view a situation from...I felt like I forgot to take myself out of that house, so I saved all my precious memories from my friends and families...and let myself burn instead.
It becomes difficult to not rethink every handshake. Every friendship. Every time you trust someone with your name is a huge victory. Fake it till you make it. One day, at some point, you realize you weren't trying and your world didn't implode once again. You have to trust yourself...and in that situation it was difficult but once you find it...once you know it beyond a shadow of a doubt...well then you feel on top of the world and want to be allowed to show it for the few minutes or hours a day that you step outside

P.S. Technology is not my friend, any impression to the contrary that I give is me trying to convince myself that I even know how to turn on one of these new-fangled lappy tops....