Bubble Wrap Required!

So... this is going to be a whiney post, just skip it.

A few nights ago I was on the swings and lost my one-handed battle to stay on. The result is another bruised hand, and I fell on my back. I just laughed, and laughed. I didn't realize this meant I can no longer even attempt to open anything with a lid! My other thumb, leftie, is  forever broken, simply because I can never go enough time without doing something stupid to it. The first time wasn't my fault, in July. Then I got arrested in September, and the handcuffs re-injured it. The worst time was punching the concrete floor with that same thumb as I fell from a graceful ballerina leap on my roof one night. I just...don't even take that hand seriously anymore. Righty though, I NEED RIGHTY. It's just a bruise though.
However.
I don't know if it has anything to do with falling off a swing, or maybe something to do with all the cigarettes I smoke and energy drinks and/or coffee I consume to wake up in the morning, but something HURTS. I had to stop ignoring it last night. I just always want to throw up and like I'm going to pass out, and it fucking hurts like someone is stabbing me right below my ribs. Now the pain is going back to my shoulder, too, all on the left side. I finally decided to get over my whole "never seeing a doctor again" thing. I'm going in a little while, where I'll probably be told I'm just crazy and in the best health ever.
If I die...you can have all my stuff. You know it's sweet stuff, man.
In conclusion, I cannot be trusted at life. I think I need to break into the old geology museum and steal the massive roll of bubble wrap we used to play with and wrap myself in it. The jumbo-roll of industrial strength bubble wrap was for fossils and shit, but we just liked to play with it. We also never actually bothered to use it around the priceless fossils. I'm glad I never dropped any of them...